Archive for the ‘Life and Death’ Category

overcoming uncertainty

The challenge of Day 29, by Sean Ogle: [Write down a major life goal you have yet to achieve or even begin to take action on. For each goal, write down three uncertainties (read: fears) you have relating to each goal. Break it down further, and write down three reasons for each uncertainty. When you have three reasons for your fear, you’ll be able to start processing the change because you know where the fear stems from. Now you’ll be able to make smaller changes that push you towards your larger goal. So begins the process of “trusting yourself.”]

© Adam Hughes "Snowbunny Padme and Yoda"

I read a quote somewhere (I forgot who it was, sorry!); ”Fear is just growth coming to get you”, and what I add to that quote is that fear is part of our intuitive system which resides in our right brain and should be listen to. Note, I said listen to, not ruled or governed by fear. To succumb to fear can be very paralysing, but perceived as a guide it’s a great teacher, if we dare to listen. Most of our experiences are about personal growth. I have found myself in absolutely fearful situations where fear is an adequate reaction, but mostly my fear portrays my resistance against change.

It’s not personal Mr Ogle, but I won’t jot down one major goal and attach 3 ‘fears’ and 3 ‘reasons’ for each fear to overcome whatever uncertainty I perceive. That’s enough of that in this #Trust30 challenge. Dark Night of my Soul will absolutely suffice in that respect. It’s not a major goal per se, but the profound knowledge and insights that comes with it is. Dark Night is all about confusion and uncertainty and one shouldn’t take it lightly, not at all. Anyone who experienced it knows what I talk about. I lived and breathed uncertainty, confusion and fear as almost palpable, and oh so insisting, friends in that type of darkness. I wanted to ‘die’, so I could live. It’s awful and is all-consuming and during this Ralph Waldo Emerson challenge I see that I have come a long way towards a new dawn. It’s a process and I think I’ll write a book instead or create a seminar, as a fellow writer suggested.

But what I will do, when uncertain and fearful, is to read my post ‘Alive-est’ again and again and say:   Getting wiser in my life I will

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

alive-est

The challenge of Day 28, by Sam Davidson: [When did you feel most alive recently? Where were you? What did you smell? What sights and sounds did you experience? Capture that moment on paper and recall that feeling. Then, when it’s time to create something, read your own words to reclaim a sense of being to motivate you to complete a task at hand.]

“Getting wiser in life you will” 

An archery teacher’s lesson on how to become one with what is.

Goddess of Wilderness / Huntress of Forage

”Don’t hold the bow so tight”. I am at the archery club for my third time and had just aimed for the target hundred feet away. ”Try to barely hold it at all” he said as he stood diagonally behind me. The teacher was old in the game. He had shot archery for 52 years. He was quite short, had white hair and fingers that seemed casted in a different mould, like resilient and flexible timber. He took my elbow and showed me that I had to pull back my arm all the way so my hand was at the same level as my ear.

“And use three fingers to hold the string. You seem a natural at this, but the trick is to hold the bow lightly” he said and let go of my elbow. “Don’t focus on the target itself, then you lose your ability to relax and let go. Don’t force your will upon the arrow; don’t try to ‘make’ it hit the target, because then you are going to miss it for sure”. I absorbed his words and felt as if no one else was in the room. I felt as a goddess roaming in wilderness or a huntress foraging for food. I thought of my grandfather who hunted. He said it is important the rifle becomes a part of one’s body, one’s arm. If not, you get tense and may hit the animal in a way that forces the animal to die an unnecessary painful death.

“Focus on how your body is facing the target. Then your breathing, your arm, your sight on the arrow and how you stand with your feet will become one with the arrow, the bow and the string and thus part of you. Make a ritual every time you aim with an arrow; inhale, exhale, relax, tighten the string and let go of it. Then let the arrow do its work.” he said and moved away to the left side beside me. I closed my eyes and took a breath and did the steps he said and all scattered fragmented crystal pieces of my Self became fused into one whole piece. I felt very much alive and made into one with something greater than myself.

“Feel it, don’t focus so much on the arrow, the bow is strong enough”. I tightened the string, looked through the sight on the bow and let go. I hit the bulls-eye in the middle of the target three times in a row. This was a symbolic and intuitive moment for me. I ‘saw’ how to connect the dots in my life. If the bow is my soul, the string is my stamina, the arrow is my intention or truth and the target is my change (longing, dream, aspiration and so on) then lesson with my archery teacher was a sort of initiation to higher perception.

So let’s do an interpretation:

”Don’t hold the soul (bow) so tight. Try to barely hold it at all”

“And use three fingers to hold the stamina (string). You seem a natural at this, but the trick is to hold the soul (bow) lightly. Don’t focus on the change (target) itself, then you lose your ability to relax and let go. Don’t force your will upon the intention/truth (arrow); don’t try to ‘make’ it hit the change (target), because then you are going to miss it for sure”.

Focus on how your Self (body) is facing the change (target). Then your breathing, your arm, your sight on the arrow and how you stand with your feet will become one with the intention/truth (arrow), the soul (bow) and your stamina (the string) and thus part of you. Make a ritual every time you aim with an intention/truth (arrow); inhale, exhale, relax, tighten the stamina (string) and let go of it. Then let the intention/truth (arrow) do its work.

“Feel it, don’t focus so much on the intention/truth (arrow), the soul bow is strong enough.”

There are many situations in my life where I feel alive – good moments and in bad:

• each morning I wake up to my boy friend’s word “ I love you”. I am a very wealthy woman in that respect.

• when I have an engaging conversation even if it’s provocative

• when I listen to people who needs someone to talk to and ‘see’ them and I am good at that. It’s a In’Lakesh exchange;  I am another you (Mayan greeting)

• when my kids hug me for no other reason than they want to

• when I feel angry and outraged by ignorance, but can let go if it

• when I have an urge to poke an idiot’s eyes out, but resist because I know I am judgmental  (even if I am, of course, right! 🙂 )

• when I cry for any reason I can think of

• when I learn new things, even hard learnt lessons. I want to learn and seek and gain deeper knowledge about life itself.

• when I perceive myself capable of being in between time scales; that I can analyse the past, dream about the future but stay in the present because it’s where the action really is.

• when I realise, in hindsight, that my dark night of my soul was and is a process of ‘emptying out’, so I can be filled with tremendous, deep-seated and bright life force. Not necessarily a situation I had thought of as an alive-est moment before writing this, but it was and is.

The trick is ‘Don’t hold on to the soul so tightly, it’s strong enough’. That was an ‘alive-est’ soul lesson from an old master of archery on how to become one with what is. It’s really about Self Reliance.

 

 

come alive

The challenge of Day 6, by Jonathan Mead: [If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? Resolve to only do what makes you come alive. How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?]

A great writer (Mark Twain) said a great thing once, which I’ve taken to heart. It’s a little something to live by, to have as a guiding star, to remember when life is hard to live, to keep as a promise to myself, to use as a painter uses his brushes to express the essence of life. So my dear friends who read this; if I only have one week, one hour or three hundred years left… when it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter really how long time I’ve got. I want to:

“Dance like nobody’s watching. Love like I’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening. Live like it’s heaven on earth.”

Being a caterpillar inside of a cocoon, waiting to become a butterfly, the best way for me to improve my present moment, is to stop force the direction of change itself. Sometimes the greatest work I do is not visible to others. Some things are just meant for me. But when I emerge again from solitude, hopefully there is someone to witness that I have changed, that alchemical process of transformation that I have gone through. But if not, I am still changed, I am still beautiful. So dance little sisters, dance. Sing little brothers, sing. Live like it’s heaven on earth.

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Looking at the images I remember that I can be foolishly playful at times. 

15 minutes to live

The challenge of Day 1, by Gwen Bell: [You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live. Set the timer for fifteen minutes. Write the story that has to be written] 

Life. Extraordinary. Lonely. Isolated. Shut in. Dying. Transform. Change. 

I am dying and I know there’s nothing I can do about it. Ever since I shut myself in, I have always known that I wouldn’t come out of this alive. Today is the day I will leave. Today I will die. I can feel it. Soon. The wind is gently rocking my home as an encouragement to leave. I can’t look outside though, I have no windows, but that doesn’t matter. I feel different today. I have spent so much time inside I have forgotten how it is out there. Could I have a few more days or a few more hours? No, I feel death entering my body. Soon there will be no more I. Distance. I feel distant from myself as I am preparing to enter something new. I have no knowledge of what to expect. Soon I will know.

Anxiety. Silence. Knowledge. Death. Alter. Stretch out. Break out. Love.

There. It’s done. I died. Yet I live. I left my cocoon and transformed into a butterfly. So we never really die, do we? We are a constant creation of change, from one form into another. Fly high, my friends and never be afraid of who you are and can become. 

“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively. You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” – Trina Paulus

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