The challenge of Day 23, by Susan Piver: [If you could picture your intuition as a person, what would he or she look like? If you sat down together for dinner, what is the first thing he or she would tell you?]
CONVERSATION WITH MY INTUITIVE SELF
I watched her while she sipped the wine I just poured in the glass. She was a magnificent woman. Yet I couldn’t really say what age she had. There was a timeless component about her that emitted an eternal aura. She was young and old at the same time, as the Maiden, the Mother and the Chrone fitted into one being. Either way, I stared. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Her lips were sensuous without greediness, her hands moved with a grace I hadn’t seen before, and her whole presence radiated softness. But there was something else about her too. She was not weak or meek but very powerful. I felt an invisible fist in my gut. And I knew it was hers.
“You have become better at it.” she said and looked straight in my eyes. “Uuh…what?” I answered and knew I sounded ridiculously evasive.“Sensing my presence and trusting me,” she said and an elusive smile revealed a dimple in her right cheek.
She let go of my eyes and started to eat the dinner I had prepared. I served asparagus with olive oil and parmesan and a salmon ceviche with ginger pears, avocado, fresh chilli and lime together with a great Chardonnay. She seemed to enjoy the flavours and the artistic culinary formation on the plates.
“This is a fantastic meal. You should cook more like this” she said and made a gesture pointing at the plate. I was surprised when I got a mail from her stating that she was coming over tonight and it was long over due that we had a conversation face to face. I got nervous by the mail because I had felt her presence most of my life, but never really met her. Now she sat in front of me and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
“Well, I do my best to trust you” I said breaking the awkward silence and bit my tongue right after. “What a lame thing to say” I thought.
“You know who I am, right?” she continued without looking at me.
“Yes, you are my intuition”
“Correct. Now tell me, what do I do?” she said and looked straight at me again but with a challenging look in her eyes.
There it was again; the invisible fist in my gut. I started to squirm in my chair and I felt myself diminish to a little spot. I knew it was she that did the ‘fist thing’ to me. Then suddenly I felt ease, almost as a soft caress on my neck. It was she too. She let go and I could look at her again. I inhaled as if I had suffocated.
“You guide me. You can be exacting but also very gentle.” I said honestly while breathing deeply. “That’s right, sweetheart. I guide you. Because sometimes you act against your all-knowing heart, your better judgment” she said with a voice of a caring mother.
She stood up and started to walk around in the room. She moved with such an airy flow, almost floating, as if she didn’t touch the floor. She was like Galadriel in the Lord of the Ring films. She was a magnificent Queen and I was mesmerised.
“You see, my function or work is to guide you to your higher Self. That’s my contract with you. And frankly, sometimes I could just smack you in the face, when you act like you didn’t notice me!” she said with frustrated arousal. She stopped floating and looked at me with tears filling up her eyes. “What you do to yourself, you do to me. When you hurt, I hurt too. When you cry, I cry too. When you laugh, I laugh too. But it’s when you are afraid of what you know and ignore it, I die slowly” she said and looked at me with such grief I wanted to embrace her.
She hid her face in her hands and cried quietly. I was speechless and didn’t know what to do. I felt such sorrow and grief in me and I noticed tears running down my cheeks. “Could it be that when she cried, I cried too”. She was almost transparent now, almost disappearing and I felt anxious that she would leave.
“Please, don’t go. Don’t leave me. What can I do to make you stay?” I whispered.
She stopped crying and looked at me.
“I know what it is you see and experience, for it is also in me. I feel that you are awakening. But so I don’t diminish you have to actively decide for me to live. Without the ability to navigate fluently between life’s highs and lows, your life will be barren, dry and without purpose.” she said. I heard her voice crystal clear but I didn’t see her move her lips. She spoke telepathically. She was truly an amazing being.
“You know what I talk about. You experience the dryness of disbelief, the loneliness of agony, the purposelessness of a barren spirit. But you also know that the darkness you have endured is vital for your progress. It’s vital to me that you understand and trust me. Now you are empty, now you can be filled up with unprecedented strength.” she continued and started to float again.
“I want you to live. I want to live. What can I do for you? How can I make you stay?” I answered and realised I talked fast almost stuttering. “I will ask my heart often what I hear and if what I perceive is according to being true to myself but please don’t leave me. Stay and guide me.” I continued.
“Remember I am always with you. I am always present, always communicating. But what I can’t do is listen to me. It’s your job to trust what I say. I can’t act for you, that’s is up to you. But know that I always love you.” she said.
“I will look for your whisper, I will feel your smack in my face when I try to ignore you, I will ask for your guidance when I am lost, I will acknowledge your fist in my gut and sweet caress on my neck. But most of all I will never again not believe you are not there.” I said and meant every word I said.
“Now, tell me, what is it I do?” she said and smiled with so much love in her eyes, I almost blushed.
“Make me aware and conscious of whom I am” I answered and right there and then she disappeared, vanished into the air. But I felt her presence stronger than I ever had before.