The challenge of Day 21, by Jen Louden: Someone might know a particular something better– but nobody else on the planet knows how to live your life better than you. (Although one or two people may think they do.) [For today, trying asking yourself often, especially before you make a choice, “What do I know about this?”]
The Ugly Duckling
What I know for sure is that I don’t know. It’s impossible for me to know all of what there is to know in a situation or all sides to a story or what people think of them or what people think of me. I don’t even know the whole of my Self. I am a soul in progress and find it exciting to get to know myself more and more intimate.
What other people think of me, is actually none of my business, and sometimes what I think of myself is none of my business either. There have been times when what I think of myself is nothing but free psychic radicals and poisonous to my soul.
This prompt is doing something with me and it’s itching and uncomfortable. I feel very unsure of myself now. I ‘know’ many things. I have a high IQ and could enter Mensa societies if I wanted to. That doesn’t mean I am wise or special in any way. It just means I have a good brain when it comes to sort out certain brainy challenges. So I have a fairly developed left cerebral hemisphere. On the other hand I have a fairly developed right cerebral hemisphere too. I sense undercurrent energies in a room or from a person I pass in the street. That doesn’t mean I ‘know’ what’s going on. It doesn’t mean I can interpret anything correctly. It means I have a good brain when it comes to sense energies and what I can’t always see and transport my perceptions to my heart and body. My problem is that I have a hard time to integrate the two into a whole fantabulous unity. But I am working on it…
So it’s fair to say, I have a hard time to trust what I know or think I know, because I don’t always know whether it belongs to another or me. Let me clarify, I don’t mean I am unsure of what I say or think all the time. But what I have noticed is that I need time disconnected from people so I can ‘hear’ and sense what I perceive that comes from my Self. I am constant ‘online’ with the grid, if you get my symbolism. I am always available to whoever needs me to listen, help them or tell them what I feel in a certain situation. It can drain me. I can give away a lot of inner power that way without recharging myself and allowing stillness within me.
There has been a few intuitive persons that have told me that my problem isn’t necessarily that I have a hard time to open up to others, but more that I don’t know how to set boundaries so I can keep myself away from energies that doesn’t belong to me. I am not saying I am always a victim of others consuming energy. I can be the one that consume energy from others. We all do that, give and take energy, and it easily becomes imbalanced.
The discomfort I feel regarding this prompt stems from my self-image. It is a good post for me to write, but I don’t like it, I am not comfortable. I am my own worst enemy. Archetypally I often feel like an Ugly Duckling. The few I have told don’t really get that which makes me feel even more like an Ugly Duckling. I know, I know, it all resides in my brain. Anyway, the thing about Ugly Ducklings is they are only ugly because they are expected to be one thing but defy expectation and become something else. To make a long story shorter it’s one image I have of myself. So maybe I am the one setting the expectation of what and who I should be and it turns out I am not. Maybe part of my life lesson is for the Ugly-Duckling-in-me to stop being busy trying to be a duck and become the swan I always have been.
But really…what do I know? And I don’t even know if I WANT to post this, but I’ll do it anyway. It has been a day of uncertainty in most areas and a lot of ‘not knowing’ and I feel an anxiety attack lurking. Too much connection to the grid.
So signing off now. What do you know for sure?