fear

The challenge of Day 12, by Lachlan CotterIs fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel? [Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes? ]


 ”Is fear holding me back? […]

My easiest answer would be check out my answer to prompt #9 and prompt #8. It sums it up pretty much. I have also written about, in earlier posts, where I find myself in this moment of time in my life, as a caterpillar in a cocoon waiting to emerge after the transformation to a butterfly. So to write again about fear. Please, give me a break. It took a lot from me to write what I did. It feels so repetitive.


 […] Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?

Truthfully, I can’t imagine myself BEING less than I am, but that doesn’t mean I am fully “I”. But how do I know when I am really I? Is there such a thing as a completion of one’s Self? Is there an end to that road, of exploration of self-knowledge and discovery? I do believe that is what we do. We discover ourselves as we live our lives. We are a walking and breathing potentials of extraordinary proportions that we have no knowledge the scale of. I am a work-in-progress and will hopefully continue to discover my greatness, my shortcomings, my fullness, my emptiness, my talents, my ignorance, my heart and my soul with each breath I take. I will inhale and I will exhale. Sometimes consciously and with intent, and sometimes rather blindly without awareness of whom I am. With each moment of my life, I contribute to the collective learning. It’s a legacy of itself. That is why it’s crucial to Know Thyself. How do you impact the world and the evolution through who you are? Get to know yourself deeply.

 

 […]Will the blunder matter in 10 years, 10 weeks?[…] 

I suppose this prompt is about accomplishments and achievements and that we shouldn’t hold our selves back from being audacious. If I hold myself back throughout my life, my whole life, that blunder would be very tragic and it would matter. It would contribute to the collective learning of human evolution, maybe not towards greatness but towards littleness. Is that good or bad? Most of us might say it would be bad, including I, because we only have a limited amount of time in our lives. We are a species capable of creating heaven and hell on earth, holding the power to determine the future for all species co-existing with us in our hands. Instead of investing or putting our time on things that doesn’t matter and are destructive, we should put use of it to serve the betterment of others and ourselves. You know the saying; lost time can never be retrieved.

So I began to think of time; is time linear? No I don’t think so. Time is spiral, if anything. We live repetitive because we like to recognise the familiar. We experience the seasons every year, the Mondays every week, the night and days and so on. But it isn’t exactly the same ever. Each day that passes will never come again exactly as it was before. Every second does count. Every moment is important. Do we have to be stressed about it? Well, no. But we are. What if we miss out what is supposed to come our way? How much time do we have to live the life we want? As much as we are given and sometimes what we want is not what we need, it’s not what humanity needs.

 

 […]Now do. The thing. You fear.

How are genuine pearls created? It must first be noted that a real pearl comes about by chance – without any human interference.  It is not a normal behaviour of the mussel to create a pearl. It’s more about protecting themselves against something that has entered the mussel. Parasites in the form of worms or larvae penetrate the mussel, which tries to bump them out. If this fails, the mussel encapsulates the stranger. In order for a pearl to be formed it requires that the parasite has with it a fragment of mussel mantle tissue. This tissue cell divides, and after about ten days, a sack is formed around the parasite. Then the mussel “weaves” layer upon layer and so forms a true pearl.

Now replace the word mussel with soul, pearl with consciousness, parasites with challenges and mussel mantle tissue with ego. Read the story again and you have evolution of human consciousness. So my fear I am already doing; I work to not become overcome by parasites but instead weave layer upon layer of my experiences into a higher level of me – the pearl. I didn’t think of myself before #Trust30 as particular integrated or aligned with myself or that I was especially spiritually evolved. But since I made the commitment to write every day for 30 days, I have discovered that I actually am much more congruent and aligned than I gave myself credit for. Like the pearl under creation, my evolution takes time.

Will my existence matter in 100 years? Will my blunders matter in 10 years? Will my greatness matter in 10 months? Will I matter in 10 seconds? Absolutely. In the smallest scale I can think of, but also in the biggest scale I can think of. But not in the way my narrow egotistical mind would like to think; that I should fear humiliation, should strive for perfection, should think that the universe evolves around me, myself and I. So let’s do a time perception experiment.

Universe is, what we know today, 13 billion years old. If we shrink it one billion times, so that the history of the Universe can fit into just 13 years, we get a very interesting scale. On this scale, our Earth would have been formed 5 years ago. The first multi-celled organisms would have evolved 7 months ago. After flourishing for several weeks, the dinosaurs would have been wiped out by an asteroid impact about three weeks ago. The first hominines would have appeared about three days ago and our own species just 53 minutes ago. The first agriculturalists would have flourished about 5 minutes ago and the first agrarian civilizations would have appeared just 3 minutes ago. Modern industrial societies would have existed for just 6 seconds.

In that scale the modern humans have only lived for a blink of an eye, but since we have evolved into a species of high complexity and high energy we are significant even in cosmological scales. We evolve. We change. We live. We die. We are part of the universal dance of creation. While I have time, I will participate with everything I got inside me. If I fall, or fail, I will allow myself to feel whatever pain or fear I experience. But I will however dust myself off, encapsulate whatever worm I meet and integrate that experience into my soul, turn it into a pearl and continue to be a flux of evolution-ness and share what I have learned. And fear is part of it.

What pearl of knowledge do you create? What do you know for sure?

Comments on: "fear" (7)

  1. This is great Michi. You make so much sense!
    Peace, Nico

  2. Love the peal and consciousness metaphor, great beauty born from pain. On a more pedestrian level: keep on truckin’ Michi, you’re getting there!

  3. Well how about that, are typos Freudian slips or interventions or what? I meant: I Love the pearl (not the peal) and consciousness metaphor, great beauty born from pain.

    • Haha, thanks Judith. But maybe we need to hear the peal to be conscious of the process! Anyway, thank you so much for your comment.
      And even if I’m not a person to wear pearls as jewelry, I think they have such wonderful shimmer and just as diamonds they are “born” under pressure.
      xo, Michi

  4. Fantastic insight Michi and both thoughtful and inspiring reading. I had never heard the pearl analogy before and it is “priceless,” much like a pearl itself. We all need to see our contributions as valuable much in the same way. You and your work are part of my treasure for this day. Thanks!
    Rich

    • Thanks, Rich! I am moved beyond tears to read this. This project #Trust30 is a great adventure. I have connected with such amazing people and writers as yourself. I find it so encouraging that we actually take the time to communicate and “get naked” by sharing our inner thoughts and feelings. I feel honored to read them. So thank you, Rich. I’m looking forward to read more from you. In’Lakesh, Michi

  5. I very much like what #TRUST30 does to you and enjoy being a part of that.

    Seeing how deep you’re able to reach inside yourself puts me to thinking; why can’t I?
    It’s been keeping me busy for several days now. I guess that is what #TRUST30 is all about.

    With reading your posts, I more and more get the feeling that through the years I’ve wandered away from myself. And how can one look inside his self without being close enough to see? It would explain the darkness.

    You sure are a pearl. And your (shared) thoughts become pearls inside others. Thanx for that.

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